


Like The Hands On A Clock

by baeminhyuk



Series: Don't Wait For Daylight [1]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Future Fic, post-disbandment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 20:44:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeminhyuk/pseuds/baeminhyuk
Summary: Lisa doesn’t get it; it’s not as if they’re doing anything wrong. They’re just two old friends meeting up for lunch once a week, not to see each other again until the next Wednesday.





	Like The Hands On A Clock

 

Their meetings worked like the hands on a clock, synchronized to reach each other but only for a moment. Their place in time is somewhere around 11:30 — the pattern is that Lisa is always there by 11:26 and Jennie is never later than 11:33 — but they always make it there before lunch begins, every Wednesday at a ramen place in Hongdae. Aori has a fairly loyal clientele during this point in the week, mostly old couples on dates, but it's a limited one. There is never more than eight customers there at the same time as them, and they're normally by themselves.

Lisa thinks that Jennie and her must stand out, two young people in their mid-twenties taking the same corner booth at the back where the paint is very slightly chipped and the leather seats squeak. Jennie says they're just another couple of faces.

She guesses that's probably what they should be. This kind of anonymity is nice after years and years of constantly being heckled by fans and the media.

“Taehyung’s called the studio at lunch on Wednesdays for the past three weeks," Jennie notes, shaking some chilli powder over her ramen. "I told him I've been meeting a long lost relative."

Lisa doesn't get it, not really, because it's not as if they're doing anything wrong. They're just two old friends meeting up for lunch once a week, spending a mere two hours and a bit together. Then, they pay the bill and leave, not to see or speak to each other until the next Wednesday that comes along.

(If this was two years ago, when they just started to hang out with each other again a year after their fabled group music career and their unfortunate falling out, Lisa would understand. Back then, it was about being _close_ ; it was about sitting in that same booth for hours on end debating over politics or discussing their stressful work lives. There were whispered love declarations without replies, but only because they already knew the answer. _But this wasn't two years ago._

Now, their lunches are all about 150 minutes of catching up and comfortably long silences, it's about being _close enough_ to brush each other's fingertips.)

Lisa can't really argue, though. She's never told any of her boyfriends before about the woman she meets with every Wednesday. Even if there's nothing clandestine about it, she figures none of them needed those kinds of problems.

After Jennie pops one of the nori sheets into her mouth, she spills, "He wants to meet you personally."

Lisa's eyebrows raise, taking her time to chew and swallow. "Me as in your long lost..."

"Sixty-three year old great aunt, yes."

Jennie continues to look down at her bowl while Lisa directs her amused gaze right at her. It's only a moment before they start laughing at it all. Shaking her head, she asks, "What do you plan on doing about that?"

"Nothing," Jennie shrugs. "Ignore it until he forgets about it."

That's how it usually goes, so it's not all that surprising. But while she believes there'd be trouble if they were open about their encounters, she also thinks that maybe the secrecy is the trouble itself. Jennie and her boyfriend have been together for three years now, and from what she's heard, it's been very serious for a while. Lisa often wonders about how Jennie would tell her if they got engaged or whatever, and what would happen, because she thinks they almost owe it to her.

It's just that whenever Lisa thinks about that, her guts twist inside of her and she prays that she can keep her 150 minutes of Jennie a week to herself.

 

* * *

 

For a world as small as this one always turns out to be, it's easy to hide in the shadows of the bustling metropolis.

They were drawn to it at first because of its enormity, larger than life — _especially theirs_ — and dense enough to slip unnoticeably between the cracks. Not much has changed, when she really thinks about it.

 

* * *

 

"I met someone," Lisa brings up the following Wednesday over hot miso soup and sushi.

Jennie prods her on to tell the full story, or at least an abridged version of what she's sure will be the meeting of her next significant other. While Jennie has had her one long-term relationship, Lisa has nearly been the opposite — mostly single with a new guy every few months. She doesn't delude herself with thoughts of each one being  _the_ one, but she likes having someone that likes  _her_ around, especially when she kind of likes them back.

(She always thought that she'd get married, have kids. She still wants that, but there's only _one person_ she can imagine having it with and...)

At the end of it all — "it all" being mostly brief and definitely not detail-oriented — the brown-eyed Korean girl quirks a smile and lays a soft gaze on her former bandmate. “He sounds great.”

It's never been genuine, though Lisa thinks it's only something she can see, but she smiles along anyway.

 

* * *

 

A couple of weeks later, Jennie admits something of her own.

"I can't come next week," she says, sympathy dripping from the words. Of course, they've missed a few weeks in the past — it's inevitable. This, however, has been the first one in a while.

"He's booked a trip for our anniversary... A week in Jeju Island.” Lisa doesn't miss how Jennie rolls her eyes just slightly though her voice is sweet.

"That will be... nice," Lisa comments. It will be. She remembers how beautiful Jeju was when they were there for BlackPink House. The shore will be breathtaking and the water will be pristine. Perfect for a nice surf which Lisa knows Jennie's boyfriend is into.

She sighs. "He didn't even ask me, Lisa. I know it's supposed to be sweet but — I have shoots and recordings. I can't just take a week off on a moment's notice."

Lisa smiles, knowing it runs deeper than that. Her voice is gentle when she says, "Yes, you can. You should."

Jennie kisses her cheek as they're parting ways, which Lisa knows is her way of saying she'll miss her so much.

 

* * *

 

Lisa eats by herself in Aori that Wednesday because it feels wrong not to.

Her waitress — their waitress, as always, Ji-hyun — clicks her tongue while she stands at her (their) table, before she asks, "Where's Jennie-unnie, Ma'am Lisa?"

"She's somewhere out there," she laughs nodding to the outdoors. She chooses to be private, for secrecy's sake.

Placing an old tea-stained mug down by her hand, she lingers. "Did you two break up or something?"

"No, no," she shakes her head. "I mean, we were never really together, unless you count when we were um... no. She's just...."

Ji-hyun laughs then, loud and bubbly, clicking her tongue again. She's much like a teenager in the body of a twenty-something whose seen more of the world than they’d like to acknowledge. "Sounds complicated... but I guess it always is." Pouring steaming green tea into the mug she put down, she switches gears, asking, "Will you order your usual ramen, ma'am?"

She chuckles along with her, nodding when she recalls her regular order. "Thanks, Ji-hyun.”

It's funny to her because she's never thought of it as complicated, what they have or what they do.

Maybe it's really just simple to her. _Too simple_.

 

* * *

 

On Sunday night, Lisa gets a call.

"I'm coming over," Jennie whispers.

She's sitting in front of the TV with a glass of wine in her hand, watching a new drama, so she just says, "Uh, okay."

It takes her by surprise, to say the least. There have been few times that they've seen each other outside of Aori in the past year, and her voice sounds different over the phone.

There's a pause. "Where do you live again?"

 

* * *

 

Jennie looks tired when she opens the door; the hair that is normally up in a twisty updo during lunch is down and Lisa can actually tell — for the first time in a while — how long her hair is and notes that it's slightly longer than she remembers. She's wearing a bare minimum of makeup and it's smudged along lines that had been perfectly drawn some time earlier.

Lisa says, "You look beautiful, Ni,” even though she's just in a plain tank top, jean shorts, and her signature black trench coat, even though she shouldn't have said it (and yet she says it all the time anyway).

The Korean girl looks away. "Can I come in?"

After she points around her small apartment — that's as much of a tour as she can possibly give — they end up on her maroon couch.

She offers her wine, beer, anything and is glad when she says, "Whatever you're having," because all she has is wine, milk, and Gatorade in her fridge. When she comes back with two glasses of red wine, she finally asks why Jennie's here.

"For some stupid reason, I wanted to tell you first," she breathes looking frustrated with herself. She sits beside her and takes a sip from her glass. Lisa already knows what's coming next.

(It doesn't stop the butterflies from flying about in her stomach.)

“Taehyung proposed," she admits simply.

Lisa glances down at Jennie's hand, clasped tightly around her glass. "You're not wearing a ring."

"It was too small. We're getting it resized tomorrow."

She doesn't doubt that it's beautiful — perfectly Jennie. She may have never actually met Taehyung, but he seems like someone that should be with Jennie: supposedly kind, funny, good with kids, successful. Certainly he would have enough money for a ring that would reflect the beauty of his bride-to-be. Mrs. Kim apparently adores him and his friends seem to like having her around, if all that Lisa had heard was true.

This turn of events comes at the surprise of no one, as it was obvious to everyone that this step was the next logical one for the couple. Lisa thought of it happening before, how she would announce it and when it would happen, but she still doesn't know what to say

"I'm happy for you, _unnie_.”

It's pathetically robotic, the most cliche response in the book. Jennie winces at the same time she does.

"I just wanted to tell you myself," she says, almost dejectedly. Taking her first and final swig of her wine, she stands up quickly. "I should go."

"Please don't," Lisa protests, following her halfway to the door. She doesn't mean to say it, but she  _means_ it nonetheless, so she doesn't take it back.

The shorter girl sighs tiredly. "Why should I stay, Lisa?”

Lisa cringes at the question, rubbing a hand through her already messed up bun. " _Don't_... Don't ask me that."

What they have is fine as it is. There's no need to bring up the past or long-buried feelings. Surely Jennie would agree.

Jennie's arms hang by her side as she smiles at her best friend of almost 12 years, barely there and almost bitterly. It still looks sweet upon her face, soft and gentle like she was only in the quietest of moments. Her eyes drop to the ground, then glance around the space of her apartment. "It's nice," she nods. "This place."

She thanks her — it is small, but it's not bad. Not much to be proud of, but it's nothing to be ashamed of either. It just... it's never felt like a home. She thinks that their dorm will always be home to her, whether she wants it to or not.

But looking around it now, as Jennie does, she feels a little more at peace. Comfortable. Like she's not waiting to be somewhere else or waiting for something to happen.

"Goodbye, Lisa-ya.”

She walks back to the taller girl, padding her feet along the hardwood floors, and lays a hand on her cheek. In the next moment, she leans up to Lisa and kisses her, the sides of their lips touching.

As she's turning the knob on her front door, Lisa blurts out, "What about Wednesday?"

She thinks it's a fair question — she's pretty confused by all this — but Jennie looks just slightly insulted. It lasts a second before she shakes her head and smiles with her lips pressed together.

"I'll be there." Like an after thought, she adds,  **"** _I always will_. **"**

Lisa just nods, then she's gone.

 

* * *

 

It's months before there's any sort of motion again. It's up and forwards for her, finally, which is great — just great.

Lisa's the one late to Wednesday lunch this time, a rare thing. She comes in with a wide smile on her face, cardigan hung over her arm, and sleeves rolled up in the warmth of late August. She doesn't even apologize when she sits down, ten minutes after Jennie does. Instead, she yelps quite happily the reason for her tardiness.

"I just got a call from Vogue saying they want me to model for them in New York” she says, almost like she doesn't even quite know what that  _means_  but knows that it's an amazing thing. And it is.

Jennie's confusion turns into surprise and then excitement. "Oh, Lisa,” she exclaims, mindlessly laying a hand over the taller girl's. "That's wonderful."

Lisa's hand folds over Jennie's clasping one, the both of them revelling in the moment. "Yeah, I'm just — I never thought this would ever happen, you know?"

Jennie nods calmly, but her eyes show her enthusiasm for her accomplishment. "You work hard. You deserve this opportunity."

Lisa shrugs humbly in response, crooked smile in place on her face. Their eyes meet and it takes Jennie a minute before she slowly slides her hand out. Lisa looks at the watch on her wrist, remembering that she can't be there long. "I actually have to leave soon," she tells the other girl. "I have to finish up some papers, so..."

"Oh," Jennie nods. "No, yeah. Go do what you have to do."

Lisa's smile is wide when she leans forward on the table. "Maybe I have a  _few_."

Jennie rolls her eyes, but the soft smile on her face says nothing of impatience. "Lisa-ya, go." She just barely touches her fingers to Lisa’s cheek, thumb dipping near her lips, and it would just feel so natural to kiss her, the best way she'd know how to say good luck and congratulations and all the things she's feeling for her.

Of course, she doesn't — just lets the pads of her fingers drag against her soft skin when she pulls away and watches as her smile fades along with them. 

"Just tell me all about it next Wednesday, okay?"

Getting up from her seat, Lisa grabs her cardigan off the back of the chair and looks at her former bandmate (curiously, Jennie thinks). "Actually..."

She raises that eyebrow of hers. "What?"

Lisa looks weird. Unsure.

"I was going to go for some drinks after work with some of my other friends. You know, to celebrate." There's a pause, where Jennie prompts her with a pointed look. "You could come."

Jennie laughs a little at that. "And spend the night drinking with you and  _some of your other friends?_ "

Lisa lifts a single shoulder. "They won't stay long. Come after."

This pause is much longer, or so it feels, and Jennie's gaze slowly slides away from her as she thinks it over. She picks up the napkin in front of her and wipes her hands on it, uselessly, and begins shaking her head. "I don't know, Lisa."

On the Lisa's part, she pushes her lips together and nods her head once. "Okay. Well, I'll see you next Wednesday."

Jennie watches her go and wishes it _didn't have to be like this_.

 

* * *

 

By the time she finishes her day in the recording studio, she realizes that maybe it _doesn't always have to be_.

Lisa texted her not too long after she left her at their ramen place and it occurs to her that she would have saved her number from the time she called her — the night she got engaged.

+82 92 7659 0654 (11:16):  _In case you change your mind. Woo Bar in Seoul. I'll be there til 10._

She deleted the message a moment after she read it, but a whisper remained in her ear for the rest of the day. Jennie finished everything she needed to do by 6:30, and she just knows her mind's made itself up when she starts retouching her makeup in the bathroom.

When she first walks into the bar, she's pleased to see that it's not too packed. It looks like there's a regular crowd which makes her feel a little more comfortable in her bodycon dress and heels. All the same, she takes her hair down from its bun and removes the crop jacket she'd been wearing, figuring she still looks too prim for the establishment.

Lisa's not alone when she spots her. Her work pals stand beside her at the bar, looking like they've had a few more drinks than she has. She's got a glass in her hand, but there's still a good three-quarters left of it and it looks like she's just sipping it.

Jennie figures she won't know until she actually goes over there, so that's what she does next. Once she's at her side, opposite her friends, she lays a gentle hand on Lisa's shoulder blade. When the taller girl sees her, she gets off her stool and turns to face her head on. Lisa is practically beaming, looking more like a child than the woman she knows today.

She smiles back, but she thinks they're idiots for all of it. For letting it get to this point, for being here, for thinking anything beyond what their realities are.

"Jennie," Lisa breathes, and she looks at her like she doesn't know what she's doing. She doesn't.

By now her friends are curious, peering over Lisa and craning their heads around her body. Jennie is not sure if she wants to meet them, if that's such a good idea. Lisa looks back at them and rubs the back of her head nervously, messing up her hair just slightly. "Guys, Korea’s sweetheart, Jennie Kim,” she tells them, gesturing towards her. "I'm sure you all know her."

Almost all of them stare in awe and look starstruck. "Hello, Jennie-unnie!” one of them chirps.

Then she moves out of the way, allowing her to take the seat where's she'd been previously, and turns to her friends to tell them to move down a spot. When everyone has been situated, she leans in close and whispers, "I'm glad you came."

At first, she blinks at her, but when her face doesn't change, Jennie looks at the bar in front of her and laughs out of disbelief. "I can't believe I did."

"What do you drink?" Lisa asks, waving at the man tending the bar to get his attention. She glances back at the older girl, and Jennie can just see how excited she really is for her to be there.

So, she lets herself be a little excited too — but just a little, because this is  _this_  and everything else outside those doors is real.

She shakes her head; she doesn't drink, not really, but when the bartender wipes his hands on a cloth in front of her and asks, "What can I get you, ma'am?" she asks for a gin and tonic — whatever Lisa was having.

 

* * *

 

She doesn't like alcohol as much as she used to anymore, but there must be something about the type Lisa drinks because she finds herself ordering more than just one.

She also finds herself staying a little later than she planned, not that she really planned on coming in the first place, but here she is. It's half past eight and way too early for her to be enjoying something slightly more than a buzz and way too strange for her to be doing that with this old friend — lover — whatever on a Wednesday night.

She doesn't hate it, so she stays. Lisa does too, apparently, even though she had said that she wasn't staying past ten.

Jennie's not even sure what they're talking about at this point, but it's nothing she cares much about. Little things, like how their national football team is doing (into the World Cup semis). Their dream vacations (Italy for her, Maldives for Lisa). The lipstick she's wearing (Lisa likes it).

"Hey, I uh... just finished up those papers I was telling you about." she says, and the air shifts a little.

She's amused, because, yeah, she did know that, but she chooses just to nod and prod her on.

"Well," she laughs. Something about it was off. "Those were for my flight on September 12."

Jennie's body feels like it's vibrating from head to toe, like she can't control it, like she can't control anything at all. It's uncomfortable, and she remembers why she never liked to drink. "Um... Wow, I didn't know you were leaving so soon."

"Yeah, I have to settle into my apartment and do some preliminary shoots. They also want me to go to the New York Fashion Week. So yeah, I have two weeks then I'm gone."

It's handy in a way that Jennie doesn't know how to respond, because she also doesn't want to. She's almost,  _almost_ angry. (She won't ask herself why.)

"Amazing," is what she ends up saying, but it doesn't sound much like she believes it really is.

Lisa smiles because she knows. It's not a happy smile, though Jennie is sure that she must be pleased to have been offered such a huge deal. Of course she is, and she saw it herself in Aori. She wonders if Lisa knew then what she's telling her now. She doesn't think so. 

"It is what it is," is what Lisaends up saying, shrugging. Nothing about this seems non-committal, Jennie finds, and Lisa's attempt at making it appear that way bothers her.

"I guess that's it then," Jennie smarts. Suddenly, she's hostile and neither of them like it. "Maybe you can send me a message when you get the chance."

Lisa's eyebrows furrow together probably out of both hurt and confusion, and her fingers clamp around the last drink she ordered. Jennie is already throwing bills down on the tabletop, grabbing her purse, and sliding out from the booth they moved to earlier on, about two drinks in when Lisa's friends left. Jennie knows it's rude and unexpected, but she just has the desire to get away, to end it now, to not have to say goodbye or something like that, and all that would control those thoughts inside her head long since been drowned out with alcohol.

She wobbles just a bit when she stands, but her exit is otherwise clean (quick, long steps, straight for the door, don't look back). The warm air outside hits her at the same time that she realizes she's mad at herself as much as she's mad at — not Lisa, but much more than that. She's mad at everything and her and Lisa and Taehyung are included in that.

She was always an angry drunk, wasn't she?

(It's just that _it didn't always have to be this way._ )

 

* * *

 

Lisa catches up to her when she's just a block away; it's hard to get away fast in heels.

She takes her by the elbow, forceful enough to stop her in her track but gentle enough not to scare her. It's darker out now and they stop in front of some convenience store where their sign flickers above them.

"You're not  _mad_ at me," Lisa says, like it's so inconceivable, which she thinks it must be.

So she just sighs and pushes a stray hair behind her ear. "No, I'm not. It's just..."

"Yeah," Lisa agrees, dropping her hand from Jennie's arm. She gets it. She looks at the girl in front of her, and not up at her face, as she wills herself not to cry. Jennie doesn't know why she wants to, but she does know that she doesn't want it to happen at all.

"Jennie-ya..." Lisa whispers, leaning closer and taking her softly by the wrists. Her body is in her space and she can smell gin and perfume but it's not frightening — this is Lisa, and she's  _right here._ For now, at least. "Jennie, you can come with me."

She laughs, but it sounds distorted and strange. She still doesn't look at Lisa, not until she says again, "Come with me," a little stronger than before.

She speaks slowly and surely in response. "You know I can't."

The grip on her hand loosens a little, but she still holds on. Lisa looks right at her, which is the only uncomfortable thing right now. "Why not?"

"Because it's  _not that easy_ , Lisa." She sounds irritated because she is. Under her breath, she scoffs, "God, you're so naïve."

She only looks mildly affected by the Korean's words, still hanging on to her hands. "It's as easy as you make it. C'mon, Jennie. You’re the most famous Korean idol there is. Agencies all over the world are lining up to work with you! You can just run away to wherever you want.”

She finally pulls her hands from Lisa's, eyebrows rising. "Yeah? Oh, okay," she nods; her words drip with fake enthusiasm. "And what about Taehyung? What about my contracts here? My home?"

This entire conversation is sobering, quite literally, though her arms and legs and chest still thrum like before. Jennie's just not sure if that has anything to do with the alcohol anymore.

"You really love him?" she asks softly. She's not sure if she wants an answer, but Lisa looks at her,  _genuinely looks at her,_ so she gives her one.

"Yeah," and it's the truth. _More or less_.

Lisa blinks away a few tears threatening to spill out and licks her lips. "What about me?" her voice cracking slightly.

Jennie takes a deep breath and looks down at the sidewalk before lifting her hand to the other one's shoulder. She plays with the collar of her blouse and finally replies, "I love you so much, so much that it _hurts_ , but I _can't_ have you, Lisa."

_And it's the truth._

 

* * *

 

She leaves three Wednesdays later; Jennie’s not sure if Lisa planned it that way but it doesn't really matter.

 

* * *

 

The week before Lisa leaves, they're sitting in Aori and paying their bills. Jennie drops her share on the table and glances at her, offhandedly asking, "So, what about next week?"  

She's counting out cash in her own wallet and looks up at her. There's a soft smile on her lips when she says, "Leaving that day."

"Oh," she nods. "So you won't be here."

Lisa chuckles the tiniest bit and throws the bills down in front of her. "No, but..." She shrugs, still smiling. "Y'know."

Jennie quirks an eyebrow Lisa's way, as always, and waits for her to explain.

 **"** _I always will_. **"**

They never do say goodbye.

 

* * *

 

Lisa’s in the country for a break a year later, but only for a couple of days which are easily filled with family gatherings and other reunions. Between that and meeting up with old friends, she doesn't have a lot of time before she's due back in New York.

She makes time for lunch in Aori the Wednesday she's there.

Lisa's new boyfriend (not  _new_  exactly; they met the day after she arrived in New York and have been dating for five months — the longest relationship she's had in a while) calls while she's walking over there, but she doesn't answer it. There's no malice in it. She just wants the moment to herself.

When she gets there, later than she used to, she notes that Ji-hyun isn't the one pointing her over to a table and she wonders if she still works there. This shift was always her time, so she guesses not.

"I can put you over there, but let me clean the table first, ma'am," the younger man says. Her eyes are immediately drawn to the booth, and she can see a single ramen bowl, a few nori sheets uneaten, and the remnants of a cup of green tea.

"Thanks," she tells him, then waits.

It's not a jarring moment. It's how it always was: just barely catching each other on the fringes of shared time, close enough to feel but not to touch. Perhaps Jennie and her could have been an epic love story _. But only in passing._

 

**Author's Note:**

> i've written this one quite some time ago so please hit me up with a kudos and a comment to inspire me more to write! enjoy this one-shot :)
> 
> p.s. the sequel of this out! please do read the second half of this series, "you're a little explosion of hope." thanks so much!


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